I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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