Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
