you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
