Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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