If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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