Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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