Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize