Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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