No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize