please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
