dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
