We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
