my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
