Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My vagina is officially offended.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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