You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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