Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
