Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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