I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
