oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
