is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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