Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
