I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
