remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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