Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
