you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
