dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
