He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
