You're my little dorito
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
