his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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