Im at strip club and am horny
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
