I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
