there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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