So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
