Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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