Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
