i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
