just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
