dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize