I just saw a hot homeless man
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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