I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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