You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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