im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
