also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
