Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
