you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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