I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
