yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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