jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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