I'm passing your future prison.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize