Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize