We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
