Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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