i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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