am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
