so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
