She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
