Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
