i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
