Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
