This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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