i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
