ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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