I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
