Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
