It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
