There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
