she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
