so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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