This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
