We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
