there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
