plz talk dirty to me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
