this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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