I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
