just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
