Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
