You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
